Wanting the Peace of God
by Tom Baker
Lesson: Lessons 51, 23, 26, 153, and 170
Date: December 7, 2008
Before the ego emerges into our consciousness we have no questions. When we are born into this world we know that we are loved, we know that we are important, and we have what we want. No child is born into the world doubting that they are loved, wondering if they deserve to be nursed, or confused about the meaning of life. Love me, hold me, feed me, play with me. It's that simple. In the nursery, as Freud suggested, we are all royalty. Yet as we grow, especially as we move through puberty, a time in which Edgar Cayce said that the whole of our lifetimes begins to bear upon our consciousness, we begin to have doubts about simple things we never knew to question. Am I really loved? Who am I that makes me important? What do I really want in life? The doubt generated by the emerging ego engenders anxiety and feelings of uncertainty. We feel clumsy and second-guess ourselves and others.
I remember in the sixth grade noticing that everyone began to be known by their last names: instead of Tommy, I was Baker, the tone went from soft to hard, the flower of my first name was traded in for the rock of my last name. Some people were loved more than others, status became stratified, and we were told, overtly and subtly what we wanted: sex, good grades, popularity, a car, a boyfriend or girl friend, a college education. Life became a script to learn under pressure rather than an adventure to live in a spirit of discovery. And now we had questions: Who really loves me? What can I do to make myself important? How do I get what I'm supposed to want? Girls conclude that if the right people love them then they are important. Boys are driven by the promise that if they become important in what they do then the right people will love them. We begin to compete for love and status and the ego teaches us to attack and blame and judge so we can get what we are told we want. We start to use the future as the place for happiness and the past as the map for getting to the future. We dream of the future in terms of the past. There begins to grow in us a sense of unrest, a feeling that there must be something more. The existentialists call it angst, the mystics see it as a divine restlessness. A Course In Miracles suggests that it is the soul's desire for the peace of God.
At first this desire is felt only occasionally, often at times of great success (is this all there is?) or devastating defeat (I have nothing to lose, now will I seek my heart's desire). But as we grow the whisper of unrest gets louder and more frequent and we seek an ordered path toward the peace of God. The Course is one of those paths. It begins where most eastern paths begin, with a questioning of present consciousness. Lesson 1 has us practice for a minute or two morning and evening the idea Nothing I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place] means anything. In succeeding lessons we repeat that we have given our own meaning to everything we see, that we do not understand anything, that our thoughts do not mean anything, that we are never upset for the reason we think, that we are upset for seeing something that is not there. In lesson 7 we are told why we are looking at and thinking illusions. It is because we see only the past. As the workbook moves on we practice the ideas that our thoughts are making us afraid and that our thoughts of attack are keeping us afraid of the world (Lesson 26: "Because your attack thoughts will be projected, you will fear attack"). When we see the world through the eyes of attack, defense, vengeance or judgment then we see a dangerous, threatening world. In lesson 23 we practice with the mantra: I can escape the world I see by giving up attack thoughts about_____. We are reminded that thoughts of attack and of being attacked are not different. Lesson 23 is the first active step in thinking with God. It is seeing with the eyes of blessing. It is an invitation to God that He visit us in Peace in the "crucified disguise" * of every person and group in the world.
* how Mother Teresa referred to those she helped.
However, several lessons a teacher of God do not make. We are programmed by the ego to see fear and its expressions of attack, defense, and judgment as what keeps us safe. I for one tend to believe this in part, for some but not for others. Yesterday I was in the Heritage Store and noticed that I was very judgmental toward those I thought were weird, typical "new age" types who solved all their problems with astrology and supplements. Only later did I remind myself that I was coming from my monthly near-death experience meeting and that, only that morning, I downed a handful of herbs and amino acids. It put me in mind of how particular I am with my thoughts of attack: I bless Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney but I condemn people who might be weird, like I'm afraid I might be.
The ninth characteristic of a Teacher of God is Faithfulness. In regard to the student, Jesus asks, "Does he still select some aspects of his life to bring to his learning, while keeping others apart?" Our advance in the curriculum of the Course can be measured by our faithfulness. However, Jesus is encouraging: "Yet each degree, however small, is worth achieving. Readiness, as the text notes, is not mastery." (M. p. 15.)
In lesson 153 we are taught to practice defenselessness. Instead of fear keeping us safe, we practice: In my defenselessness my safety lies. In the lessons between Lesson 23 and 153 we are, among other things, strongly encouraged to practice our being created by God and like God: (61) we are the light of the world, (67) love created us like itself, (94 & 110) I am as God created me, (95) I am one Self, united with my Creator, (97) I am Spirit, (124) Let me remember I am one with God. In lesson 153 our strength is the result of our true identity:
"Defenselessness is strength. It testifies to the recognition of the Christ in you. Perhaps you will recall the text maintains that choice is always made between Christ's strength and your own weakness, seen apart from Him. Defenselessness can never be attacked, because it recognizes strength so great attack is folly, or a silly game a tired child might play, when he becomes too sleepy to remember what he wants.
Defensiveness is weakness. It proclaims you have denied the Christ and come to fear His Father's anger. What can save you now from your delusion of an angry god, whose fearful image you believe you see at work in all the evils of the world? What but illusions could defend you now, when it is but illusions that you fight?" (W. Lesson 153, p. 285).
When the Christ in me greets the Christ in you and all men and women, boys and girls, all creatures great and small "we will fulfill our chosen purpose, as our ministry extends its holy blessing through the world." (W. p. 285). We learn now that defenselessness is not simply a technique for peace, it is the affirmation of the Christ within, our divine nature. Yet even as we accept our role as light workers we are not entirely convinced of our nature as light beings. As long as we suspect cruelty in ourselves we will project it out and see evil in others and in God. Lesson 170 has the student remind herself There is no cruelty in God and none in me. Jesus speaks to the student now as a channel of blessings and the one God created like Himself:
"Now do your eyes belong to Christ, and He looks through them. Now your voice belongs to God and echoes His. And now your heart remains at peace forever. You have chosen Him in place of idols, and your attributes, given by your Creator, are restored to you at last. The Call for God is heard and answered. Now has fear made way for love, as God Himself replaces cruelty.
[Prayer] Father, we are like You. No cruelty abides in us, for there is none in You. Your peace is ours. And we bless the world with what we have received from You alone. We choose again, and make our choice for all our brothers [and sisters], knowing they are one with us. We bring them Your salvation as we have received it now. And we give thanks for them who render us complete. In them we see Your glory, and in them we find our peace. Holy are we because Your Holiness has set us free. And we give thanks. Amen.
Now we are on the edge of peace, but do we really want it? Or do we want peace along with a handful of wishes, a box of dreams, and a set of grievances. Next time I will handle Lesson 185, I want the peace of God and Lesson 200, There is no peace except the peace of God. This week think of the peace of God, spacious, still, inclusive, happy, alert, curious and kind. Do you want only that? Notice how you feel, how you forget and when you remember what you want. Do not feel guilty or afraid. As Carson McCullers said, "The heart is a lonely hunter." Your heart and my heart still cherish a dream in which love is forever lost. In forgiveness the dream becomes happy, "The holiest place on earth is where an ancient hatred becomes a present love."In the happy dream we know we are loved and we share with others the love that we are. And the peace of God? It is still the happiness we want but oddly forget we have."
© Copyright Tom Baker 2008